“We were putting on a triple bill, of which I am especially trained to do. In one part of the evening, my ballet mistress loved my interpretation and only gave me very supportive and constructive criticism to improve upon it. But in another part of the evening in the same style, I had to dance with three other women, which none of them were trained to do. I stuck out I guess.
One day in rehearsal that same ballet mistress berated me, gave me a 20 minute long verbal beating in front of everyone on how no matter how much extra cross-training I was doing (at her suggestion and at my own cost) it wasn’t enough and I still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t fitting in, this isn’t a solo part, etc. It got personal and mean and it reduced me to tears as I didn’t even have a chance to defend myself (of course).
To be honest, I’ve blocked out most of that conversation. I didn’t even want to tell my partner about it when I got home because it upset me that deeply. The rest of the rehearsal process was similar– I could do no wrong in one piece and I was all wrong in another. But from that rehearsal on I never showed my vulnerable side to her again. I really really hate that second piece now.”